Amazing Dating Rule #7

Look before you leap.

When my sister got married, she was very specific with the DJ.  She had a list of songs she really wanted played, and she had a list of songs she Absolutely Did Not Want to Hear.  Her now-husband lobbied really hard for the “Hokey Pokey,” but hits such as the “Chicken Dance” and the “Electric Slide” were verboten.  Everything in between the “Chicken Dance” and “At Last” was pretty much okay.  But she looked at her options before she put a song in the “no-go” column or on the requests side.

I’m a girl who can’t keep her mouth shut.  If you need someone to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, please call me, as I have very affordable rates for my humiliation and embarrassment service. I once went on a double date where my roommate and I made a list of off-limits topics for the duration of the date.  It didn’t go as well as planned, but it helped. While I haven’t thought of any truly great first-few-dates topics, I have made a list of verboten topics that will make anyone’s dating experience a bit easier.

-Your cat.  This is first and foremost, because no guy ever wants to hear about your cat unless he lives with his mother and has three of his own (he never does).
-Hot dogs. Just because you watched a Discovery channel special about how hot dogs are made doesn’t mean you should bring it up every time you’re in front of a hot dog .  This does make sporting events tricky, I have to admit.
-Strip clubs.  I know, guys usually react to this topic with shock and awe, but just don’t go there. At least, not yet.
-Injuries.  He doesn’t need to know about how you ended up with a stupid injury because a guy you really liked at the time got you drunk.
-Your first marriage.
-His newly-grown facial hair.  You can disagree with it if you want, but keep the whining to a minimum.  Remember, he’s not allowed to comment on your haircut, right?
-Other key phrases to avoid: “my mother,” “my work husband,” “I get into a lot of car accidents.”

Let’s face it, you’re going to say some stuff you’ll regret.  He’ll think some of it is cute.  And he’ll scratch his head later at the rest of it.  But you know how sometimes you can see the words forming in your head before they come out of your mouth?  Just take a couple extra seconds to look at what you’re about to divulge.  It’s best to keep those TMI moments to yourself–for now, at least.

C’mon, you don’t want to look like poor Kevin here: 

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